The Jokes Section

[MonsterGirlLuver]

Just tell us the funniest jokes you know!

[Lunea]

It made me laugh ^^
hmmm
Two women were coming home from a bar and were very drunk, as they walked home they had to go to the bathroom. They had passed a cemetery and decided to go back. The one women went and wiped herself with her underwear. The other one had very expensive underwear on and didn't want to wipe herself with that, so she wiped herself on a wreath that was on a grave.
The next day the two husbands on the women got together and talked about their wifes. The one said "my wife said she went out for drinks with your wife, but she came back with no underwear."
The other husband said "my wife came hone drunk with her underwear but on it was a sign that said "'we'll never forget you, the fireman department.'l

[Drago]

I say this with the deepest consideration to help those in need of help.

A blonde was rowing her boat through a field. Another woman, blonde, was driving along next the field when to her shock, stopped and ran to the fence.
Furious, the blonde at the fence shouted "It's blondes like you that give us a bad name! If I could swim I would put you down!"

[MonsterGirlLuver]

There was a small plane with a scientist, a young boy and his grandfather as passengers. The captain says over the intercom "Uh folks I'm sorry to say but we are going to crash soon so I am goin to take one of the only three parachutes and save my own ass." The captain grabs a parachute and jumps. The scientist says to te young boy and his grandfather "I have won several Nobel prizes and am working on a cure for cancer. My life is far more valuable than yours. Goodbye." The scientist takes a parachute and jumps. The grandfather looks to the boy and says "You take the last parachute. I've seen the world but you've only begun to see it." "Oh that's okay grandpa, that last man took my backpack."

[Drago]

Hahaha, i've heard quite a few airplane jump ones but never that, funneh.

I want to write a mystery novel, or do I?
I'm always impressed when I fly I ask myself while flapping my arms violently.
I'm the youngest of three, my parents are both older.

[Sev]

If we're going with racist jokes here, I've got a million of them ;) but I'll keep them to myself for now xD

What's the difference between a blonde and a shower?
You have to turn the shower on before it gets wet :DDDD

[Delicious]

Man: I tried to commit suicide last night...
Blonde: Did it work?

I was in a bar the other day when an attractive woman walked up to be and said with a smirk: "I wouldn't sleep with you if you were the last man on earth"
I looked her right in the eyes and replied calmly: "Ah... But who'd be around to stop me?"
Wiped the smug look off her face...

[Lunea]

So there was a Mexican person a black person and an illegal alien, who was driving?

The cops

[MonsterGirlLuver]

Lol.
There are three brothers, Shit, Asshole, and Manners. Asshole is driving the car and Shit falls out. Manners gets out to help him and a cop pulls Asshole over. The cop walks over and asks Asshole "Sir I'm ticketing you for speeding. Can I get your name?" "Asshole." "Sir what is your name?" "Asshole." "SIR, what is your NAME!?" "Asshole." "Sir, where are your manners?" "Over there picking up Shit."

[Lunea]

There were three robber trying to escape the cops, so they went into a barn. The smartest one went behind a cow and said "moo moo." the second smartest went behind a pig and said "oink oink." the dumbest went behind a sack of potatoes and said "potato potato."
The robbers were found out and ran into the woods, after settling a camping site the smartest goes out hunting, he cones back with a bear. The other two robbers asked "how did you get that?" and he said "I followed the tracks and shot it."
The second smartest one went out with the gun and came back with a fox. They asked "how did you get that?" and he said "I followed the tracks and shot it." the dumbest one went and came back beaten up with cuts and bruises they asked "what happened?" and he said "I followed the tracks...and a train ran over me."
The cops soon found them in the woods so they start climbing a mountain.
The smartest one drops a quarter off the mountain as they were climbing they asked "why did you do that?" and he said "for good luck." higher up the mountain the second smartest threw a dime off the mountain and they asked "why did you do that?" and he said "for good luck." at the top of the mountain the dumbest one lights a bomb and throws it off they asked "why did you do that?!" and he said "for good luck!"
The robber slipped on some loose gravel and started to fall back down the mountain. Along the way they saw a girl crying and asked "why are you crying?" she said "I was playing and then a quarter hit me on the head."
Going down farther they saw a little boy crying and they asked "why are you crying?" and he said "I was playing and a dine hit me on the head." finally at the bottom of the hill they see an old man laughing histaricly and they asked "why are you laughing?" and he said "I farted and my house blew up!"

[saru]

A penis has a sad life. His hair is a mess, his family is nuts, his neighbour is an asshole, his best friend is a pussy and his owner beats him!

[Filler]

So there was a Mexican person a black person and an illegal alien, who was driving?

The cops

That is racist !!! and very fun. You make me happy in a traffic jam.

[Filler]

In a wedding we usually play the funeral march when the groom bridegroom appears.

[Wolf]

On occasion a couple finds time to have sex when there two kids go to sleep at night. Each time the lights are off. One night the wife asks for the lights to be on but the husband refuses. As they are having sex the wife gets up and turns on the light. She turns back to her husband and finds hil holding a dildo. The wife, surprised, asks "How long have you been using that?" The husband looks at her and sais "Whos kids are those?"

[Filler]

In the beginning God created the Bit and Byte. And they created the Word.

And there were two bytes in a word and nothing else existed. And God separated the One from the Zero, and saw that it was good.

And God said, "Let the Data." And so it happened. And God said - "Let the Data go to their proper place." And he created floppy disks and compact.

And God said, Let the computers, so there will be place to put floppy disks and compact. " And God created computers and called them hardware.

And there was no Software yet. But God created programs, big and small ... And I said, "Go and multiply by themselves and fill all the Memory"

And God said, "I will create the Programmer and Programmer will make new programs and govern over the computers, software and data"

And God created the Programmer and put it in the Data Center. And God showed the Programmer the Directory Tree and said: "You can use all the volumes and subvolumens, but DO NOT USE Windows"

And God said: "It's not good for the programmer to be alone." And he took a bone from the Programmer's body and created a creature that would look to the program, admire and love the things that make the program, and God called the creature USER.

And the Programmer and the User were left by themselves under the naked DOS and it was good.

But Bill was smarter than all other creatures of God. And Bill said to User: "Did God really tell you not to run any programs?"

And the User answered: "God told us we could use any program and any information but told us that Windows does not perform or die."

And Bill said to the User: "How can you talk about something you have not tried? At the moment you run Windows you will become like God. You can create anything you want with the click of a mouse! "

And the User saw that the fruits of the Windows were nicer and easier to use. And the User saw that any knowledge was useless since Windows could replace.

So that you install Windows on your computer and told the programmer that was good.

And the program began to look for new drivers. And God asked, "What are you doing?" And the Programmer said: "I look for new drivers because I can not find them in the DOS." And God said, "Who told you need drivers? Did you run Windows? "And the Programmer said:" It was Bill who told us! "

And God said to Bill: "For what you did will be hated by all creatures. And the User will always be unhappy with you. And always sell Windows. "

And God said to User: "So did Windows will disappoint you and eat up all your resources. And you have to use lousy programs. And always rely on the Programmers help. "

And God said to the Programmer, "Because you'll never hear the user happy. All your programs will have to fix errors and to the end of time. "

And God echo the Data Center and locked the door and secured with a password.

AMEN

[MonsterGirlLuver]

0.o Derpderp?

[MonsterGirlLuver]

Sean Connery went up to Chuck Norris and stabbed him in the chest with his thumb. Chuck Norris tried to counter with a roundhouse but when it hit Sean Connery, the world exploded....the end

[MonsterGirlLuver]

derpderpderp

[Filler]

Only 10 kind of persons exist: people understand binary and people not understand.